Saturday, October 4, 2014

My "Personality."

Picture courtesy of Ali- and her ipod.
Life is crazy... it always has been.  I keep thinking I'll catch up, be able to relax in a clean house, laundry done, having had a full nights sleep, but no.  Life just keeps getting in the way.

Things don't seem to happen the way I want them to very often.  If it's leaning in my favor lately, it gets changed!  Case in point... my work schedule.  It all started last year when a co-worker/daughter of the owner had problems with a pregnancy and had her baby.  I agreed to help out and take an extra day here and there to cover for her while she was out.  An extra day here and there turned into working 4 days every week, while she was out turned into - and-when-she-gets-back.  Now, I realize I have a very good job- I know it pays well.  I know I am good at what I do- and I LOVE it!  But I also struggle daily with guilt associated with leaving my kids to fend for themselves.  I am ALWAYS gone.  I have these two amazing kids that I don't get to be with everyday, and they are growing up so fast and I feel like I'm missing it!  I know it sounds funny that 4 days a week working would be so different from 3 days working- but it is.  It is SO MUCH HARDER.  Last month I had to sacrifice Ali's birthday.  I had to work till 9pm that day after being told I had it off.  This month I was given one of the fall break days off- only to have my schedule changed and have it taken away- I know it's a pitty party I'm having for myself, but I can't get over feeling like I just got dumped on.  Mine is the only schedule that changed this month.  Monica was given a day with her kids, and a weekend with her husband.  I'm so, so bummed with the way things were handled with me. So, I'm to the point where I have to make a decision that will impact so many aspects of my life, and I'm not comfortable making decisions like this, let alone confronting the issues with my "boss."

Working in the environment I've been in for the last 15 years has really taught me something though.  I've always considered myself a likeable person.  I get along with so many people.  I talk to strangers on a daily basis and do my best to make them friends for life!  But I've learned that you can't make people like you if they don't want to.  Unfortunately, the problem I've run into is with a co-worker.  I wish I knew what I'd done.  I've been told over and over that it's a "personality" thing, but I don't get it.  It's not fair to tell someone that the reason you don't like them is just a "personality thing."  That's a very low blow.  It makes me question everything.  It makes me uncomfortable, and it makes going to a job I love, a little less fun. OK, a LOT less fun.  I've learned from this experience that it's OK not to like someone, but it's not fair to make them feel the way I feel, for no reason except a "personality conflict."  Grow up.  Fake it.  Have some gosh dang courtesy.
I've also been validated time and again with how I feel about my family.  The people I work for are good people.  They are EXTREMELY family oriented, and they would do ANYTHING for their kids... it's their example I've learned from.  Drop everything- no matter who it affects, and take care of yours.  It's what is BEST FOR YOUR FAMILY AND YOU... not those around you that matters most.  However, I have also learned how taking advantage of someone makes that someone feel.

I have always considered myself blessed.  If it was all about money, I would pick up every shift I could- work days I should have off and smile the whole time doing it!  But I've learned it's not about what I make anymore, but what I miss.  Who knows what the future holds- if I'll be strong enough to confront the problem- or just give up.  Whatever the case- it's hard.  My mental capability is at capacity right now- so wish me luck.

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